I know it sounds difficult, but delaying the smartphone is much easier than having a contract or withdrawing it later. A general rule of thumb is to allow the phone when the teen actually has a real reason to use it, which doesn`t just involve following the friends they see every day at school. Personal socialization is much better for their brain development and carries no risk of addiction. If the phone is used as a tool to meet a mature need (such as a job), your teen will be more balanced with its use. Never pick up a phone just because « everyone has one. » You see, your teen can survive and thrive without a smartphone. In a recent survey of teenage drivers4, more than 80% admitted to using their smartphone while driving. However, I`m pretty sure that the « don`t text and drive » clause is included in every teen smartphone contract. When you read the statistics about teenage car wrecks related to distracted driving or hear about the daily drama of cyberbullying, do you think that none of the teens involved have signed a smartphone contract? Is your child the only tween or teen who can resist all temptations and stick to the contract? The appeal of smartphone interactions and distractions is too great for most teens to control. I`ve always been a little unsure about how to handle screen time in our household. But then I came across a treaty that helps create mutual trust and borders. Conversation – Avoid the contract and have an honest conversation with your child about the responsibilities of a mobile phone.
Find out about the actual financial cost of the phone – what were the initial costs, what are the monthly costs, what are the costs associated with repairing a phone? Inform you and your child of the specifics of your mobile operator contract. 7. A phone contract can hurt your relationship with your teen. The idea that a « magical » smartphone contract protects your children and makes them responsible is a myth that our culture promotes. If we put the adolescent brain research model on the smartphone contract decision, things just don`t add up. Unfortunately, these powerful devices are designed to grab our children`s attention, their time, their innocence and, according to medical science, some of the best years of their lives. What they need more than a phone contract is more connections with you and more time to build personal relationships with their colleagues. You don`t need a contract for this. Melanie Hempe is the founder of Families Managing Media. She has coached hundreds of families on the impact of screen media use, helping them achieve healthier and more balanced media lives. A graduate in nursing from Emory University, Melanie uses her medical history to demystify questions about why technology has such a grip on our children and why it replaces normal childhood activities. It provides busy parents with easy-to-understand scientific information and practical solutions for children of all ages, as it highlights the importance of real-life connections in a digital world.
Ultimately, our children are good people we love and trust (well, most of the time). What we need to do is empower our children to make good decisions with this new gadget – to help them understand that a mobile phone, like all privileges, is a responsibility. The sample phone contract below can help you and your child get started. Use the contract as is, or modify it according to your own rules and consequences. Review the contract regularly as circumstances and challenges may change. Overreaction: « Are you kidding? No phone during homework? I`m going to die! This agreement between [Parents` Names Go Here] and [Tween`s Name Goes Here] sets out the family rules and consequences for the use of mobile phones. The greatest need of your teens is to be unconditionally loved and accepted by their families. The nature of a phone contract can make them feel like an opponent (you against them) or that you`re not on the same team. This can weaken family ties and encourage over-reliance on peer ties. Because peer relationships are inherently fragile, an unhealthy level of peer engagement leads to poor outcomes, according to Leonard Sax, MD. If you look at the app, it has a number of low ratings.
That`s because a group of teenagers invented Tik Tok and spread the word to write bad reviews because they hated the fact that their parents used it. You will see that all the high marks come from the parents. As children grow, we can slowly change boundaries to give them more freedom. It gave us a lot more peace of mind. Establish enforceable rules (with clear consequences) as soon as they receive a phone. Just write down the rules and smile when you give them to your teen. Explain that this is a new day. Let them express their opinions with respect and thank them for sharing parts of their budding wisdom. Don`t argue with them, just be happy and confident.
Once you are done (a process of less than 30 minutes, as there will be no fight), do not sign anything; Instead, do something fun with the family (excursion, bike ride, hike or dinner – without a phone, of course!). The goal is to set and model healthy boundaries and priorities and not allow the discussion about the « phone rule » to take all the power and ruin your day or relationship. This approach will help keep the phone in its place in your family at the bottom of the totem. The other goal is to give them a glimpse of real life: when they grow up, they still have to follow rules and show responsibility, transparency and balance. You say they don`t like rules? Then they`re not quite ready for a phone yet. It was easy! You can use these contracts unchanged. Or you can use them as a guide to create a contract that meets your child`s individual needs. For example, if your child uses apps or other built-in technologies to help them read, write, calculate, or organize, this may need to be factored into the contract. Configured with built-in distractions, temptations, and traps to collect personal data, smartphones weren`t designed for a teenager`s well-being. (Even two big investors in Apple say the tech giant should do more to curb the growing reliance on mobile phones.) In addition, smartphone contracts establish a dangerous way of thinking, give parents a false sense of security, and give teens a false sense of power. If you are a parent, you know that this seemingly innocent decision is GREAT.
Essentially, you`re sending an invitation to independence – to become a well-rounded person who can coexist with technology instead of being dominated by it. When my daughter was born 12 years ago, there was no iPad, and I had reluctantly bought a flip phone just recently. At the time, I could never have imagined how much my parenting would revolve around smartphones, tablets, apps, and social media. I`m not writing this article to scare or shame anyone if you`re a parent giving this access to young children. I`m just going to say that I believe we need to be vigilant and careful when we allow our kids to access things like Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat, etc. Much of what I`ve seen on these platforms is a big reason why we wait on the phone for as long as possible. Although Jules is not allowed to be on social media, I know there will be other challenges like the internet and even text messages. As one mother put it: « The contract experience was a failure in our house. Our daughter is now seen by a psychologist because of social media anxiety.
The only thing that works is that I`m more involved. We removed the data from her phone (no more social media) and she only checks the TEXT A few times a day if I allow her. She has proven that she cannot do it alone; the treaty has aggravated the situation. Have you signed a mobile phone contract with your tween? How did this approach work for you? Share your experience in the comments below. Watch our video on YouTube to join the conversation there. Putting a phone back and sending your child back without this information only leads to excesses and misuse of data plans – purely out of ignorance. .